Over the last two years I have seen God lead me out of situations where he doesn’t want me. I have totally reworked my life in accordance to where I feel God is calling me. It has been a very overwhelming process at times. I switched high school, I started to attend a youth group with a bunch of ladies who have become my best friends, and who I allow myself to be surrounded with has changed. Its all been about deserving more. Putting a priority in my relationship with God and learning what it truly means to put him first.
A few months ago I felt God lead me to having coffee with a new found friend. I had known this person not even 3 months and I so clearly felt God wanting me to open up to her in a big way. Being vulnerable isn’t easy especially to someone who is a new addition to your life. This was a choice I struggled with and honestly didn’t want to pursue. I was reluctant at the very least.
But I went because I realized for the first time in my life that you can’t cherry pick the parts of God’s plan you want. Its all or nothing and even though this was a big, and scary step, I wanted to follow God’s plan more then I wanted to live in fear or be all controlling, even though those are still very real obstacles I am faced with often.
Halfway through stuttering out my story and sipping on coffee an ah ha moment happened. Those moments in movies where everything suddenly makes sense.
I went into the conversation with the mentality of I don’t know why I am here, but God wants me to talk to you but I left with I get it. This is it.
God so clearly has worked through her and that is beautiful to see. She has become someone who I truly feel like I can run to with anything, and I often do. Someone who I hope feels the same about me.
God wanted my hurting heart to be healed and while people who have repeatedly hurt me may not deserve to be forgiven it was something I needed to do regardless if they are apart of my life anymore. To be an example of His kingdom in the unlikeliest of circumstances.
Sitting here today I have forgiven them. It has blown my little mind how God can forgive us over and over again without a second glance.
Looking back on this journey, God has led me out of a situation where my worth was not being valued and by doing so has made me the recipient of so much love. The love of a newfound sisterhood of girls and love only God can provide.
Isaiah 61:3 tells us that God turns the ashes into beauty and that is what he has done through me.
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
All the hurt that has resided in my heart for so long has turned into reverent awe for His love, His glory.
Through losing so much of who I thought I was, I have learned so much about who I am in the eyes of my creator. I have never felt a love so deep and real.
While I still struggle with moving on from a situation that hindered me for so long I have full confidence in my decision because I know that I did not make the choice. I only made the choice to say yes to where I was so clearly being led. To follow God’s plan for my life.
I have seen that God is the only one who can fill the hurt in your heart. God knows how to perfectly heal us from those wounds and He wants to! That has totally blown my mind. How a God so mighty wants us to run to Him.
Seeing a hurt so profound has shown me a love so real.